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The Dam is Broken

I attempted to take my life in 2011. Since then, I have felt sad. I have felt depressed. I have cried over nothing. But I haven't been suicidal. Until winter of 2022. The winter got long. And cold. And dark. There were a few days in a row that I sobbed after the kids went to school and the only thing that kept me on the earth was my toddler sitting next to me. And the thought of the trauma my kids would experience if I were to die by suicide. I reached out, talked to some friends, and made it through those days. Then spring came. Spring brought warmth and light and calm to my soul. It was a slow and mild spring that led to a lovely summer. And then I broke again. July is hot and dry and unforgiving in the desert. Our swamp cooler broke and we can't afford to fix it. Our drain is backed up so we can't wash the laundry or use the kitchen sink or the dishwasher that all lead to that drain. I have opted to home school my oldest child because her needs are not being met in the c...
Recent posts

Gift Giving Season Is My Favorie

 Welcome back!  Read to the end to find the yummiest recipe you'll ever make! We are sitting between Christmas and New Year's and as I reflect on the last few years I'm feeling overwhelming joy about this gift-giving season. I knew the gifts would be a hit this year for the kids and especially for Hubby. But I have to rewind so you get the full effect of how excited I was to give Hubby gifts this year. Last year I had no idea what to get Hubby for Christmas. He kept teasing that he would be happy with a box of crayons. Then, just before the holidays, Hubby got a new computer with a touch screen. It's a super cool computer that can fold backwards into a tablet and he was so excited he could use it for digital art! Inspiration! I'll get him a stylus. So I did my research, quadruple checked that it would be compatible with his computer, and spent the money. I was so excited for him to open it and get back into drawing like he's been wanting to. I figured I'd pl...

Problem Spaces, A Series - Laundry

 Oh that cursed word - LAUNDRY. The perpetual, never-ending, ever-looming laundry. I have tried and tried to get that dang stuff washed, dried, folded and put away but gosh darn, I can hardly make it to the second step! And if I dare to take the laundry to the couch to fold, it sits there until it becomes a dirty pile of laundry. If I take it to my bed to fold, it becomes extra warmth at night until it's all dirty again. Moral of the story: I can't fold laundry! Not that I can't, I just lack the attention span for it. I honestly don't mind folding laundry but there gets to be so much of it that I just can't get myself to fold it all and get it all put away. So one day I decided I wasn't going to fold the laundry anymore - at least not Hubby's or the kids'! Now, Steph, how do you manage that? I have a ton of laundry baskets, is how. We each have a 'dirty' basket in our room (and one in each bathroom) and we each have a 'clean' basket in th...

Welcome to Steph's Mess

 Hello! Welcome to my Mess! Since this is my first blog post, I'll introduce myself. My name is Steph! I am a wife and mom to three kiddos. Birdie is almost 10 (starting the double digits, whaaa??), Charmander is 7, and Baby is nearly 3. No, those aren't their real names but that's how we'll refer to them here and on the channel. I love being home with Baby during the day while Jackrabbit (my husband) goes to work but I also work out of the house and love what I do! We live in Northern Utah and have lived here for nearly seven years but are looking forward to moving back closer to family in the next couple years. We bought our house in August of 2020, mid-pandemic, and I have been LOVING making it our own with paint and rearranging the furniture - a lot. I grew up in a very clean and tidy home but never really managed to keep my own spaces clean and tidy. And now I'm 30 and realizing that the mess is affecting my life and it's time to change it. I'm not focu...